


Alive But Barely Breathing

by crystalline_swelter



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Bugs & Insects, Choking, Coughing, Force-Feeding, He's an asshole, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, LITERALLY, Logic | Logan Sanders Is A Good Friend, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders-centric, Non-Existent Roman and Deceit oof, Poor Patton doesnt deserve this, Sad Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Sad Ending, Unsympathetic! Remus, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 01:10:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20537699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystalline_swelter/pseuds/crystalline_swelter
Summary: Patton is kidnapped by Remus and taken to the Dark Mindscape and well, angst happens.(I wrote this at 12 am in a fervor of extreme need to see Unsympathetic Remus and it got out of hand oop-)





	Alive But Barely Breathing

**Author's Note:**

> Please forgive me

"EAT IT!" The hand grabbed Patton's hair, dragging his face to smash violently against the filthy plate. Patton shrieked, maggots flying everywhere, crawling through his hair, and blood dripping off his lip.  
"WHY WON'T YOU JUST EAT!" Remus shrieked back, patience nonexistent. He hoisted the smaller Side up by his tattered blue shirt.

  
"**EAT IT**!" He screamed, and Patton flinched hard. More blood flew off his cheek as the Intrusive Side shook him.  
"EAT IT, EAT IT,** EAT IT**!!" And with that final phrase he shoved Patton down hard. The smaller Side stumbled and fell, landing on his already severely bruised knees.

  
"Eat it, or I'll MAKE YOU EAT IT!" Remus grabbed a handful of maggots and threw them down at the Moral Side.  
Patton squeaked as one of them bounced off his head.

"R-Remus," He coughed, choking a little. "We c-can talk about-about this,"

"NO! NO NO NO!! HOW COME YOU DON'T JUST EAT IT?? ITS SO SIMPLE!! JUST EAT IT!" Remus stuffed his thumb into Patton's mouth, opening it up even as the victim scrabbled and grabbed at his much stronger arm.

  
"EAT IT!" The Intrusive Side shoved another handful of maggots into Patton's mouth. He immediately choked and gagged, trying to force them out, but inevitably a few slipped through.  
Patton could feel them wriggling in his stomach, the half-alive bugs tapping against the walls and making him gag and cough.

  
Remus instantly switched from insane to happy in less than a second.  
"See, Patty-Cake? It wasn't so bad was it?" He lifted the smaller Sides chin, smearing the still wet blood on his finger.

Patton couldn't believe this. He wouldn't believe this. _He-he had to be dreaming or-or_ **something-**  
"Oh, I can assure you, it's all very real dearie," Remus cradled Patton's head, brushing his bloodstained finger down his throat, causing Patton to feel even more nauseous. "You wanna throw that up huh?"

  
Patton felt too sick to even move at that. He could feel Remus's featherlike fingertips slowly traversing down his neck to his shoulders. He shuddered, wrapping his arms around himself and screwing his eyes shut.

  
"Well, you can," Remus announced, tearing Patton's shirt open from the back, exposing his scarred backside to the coldness of the Darkscape. "_When I tell you too_."

Patton almost lost it at that. The sick feeling rose to almost unbearable heights again as he realized what Remus planned to do to him. He scrambled away as best he could without losing it, which wasn't very far at all, tugging at the half-open shirt that did little to protect him from the man in front of him.

  
"Oh, feeling a little feisty today huh? I can work with that." Remus started unbuckling.  
Patton whimpered. He tried to disassociate, but every new wave of nausea brought him back into reality. He curled up, clutching the ripped shirt, weakly holding onto what was left of his shorts as Remus strided over.

He didn't look.

Didn't see.

But he **felt** it.

* * *

Patton finally lost it after he felt something burning on his back. A maggot and stomach fluid concoction dribbled out of him, mixing with his tears and blood and something else pooling around him.  
Remus stood proud over him, not a hint of shame or regret, not a single thought wondering if the other was alright, only happiness and pride. It was just another Tuesday for him.  
Didn't even bother to clean up, just threw himself back together and left Patton crying, cold, scared, on the floor. It was the worst thing he had ever experienced.

He didn't want to eat ever again, the mere thought of food made him sick to his stomach. He never wanted anything like **that** ever again.

He just wished he would wake up, that Deceit would rip the illusion away and explain himself, he just wished he could escape this terrifying reality.

He wished he could see Virgil. He wished he could hold him again, tell him it would be alright, lead him through a panic attack, only he feared he would be the one panicking instead.

He wished he could see Roman, he would protect him from whatever that thing he nearly called his brother was. He was strong. Patton wished he could be held in those strong arms and calmed and petted as he cried.

He wished he could see Logan, his soothing voice telling him what neutron stars are made of or how black holes work. He wished he could see him smile one last time, hug him one last time.

But most of all he missed Thomas, his friend, his Whole. He would know what to do. He would know how to help.He was so good, Patton was convinced of it, if only he could help him right now.

Taking in a shuddering breath, Patton forced himself onto his bruised elbows and knees. The weird puddle-combination coated him, and he saw a few maggots floating in it. That alone was enough to make him dry-heave, spitting up nothing. He closed his eyes again, and tried to ignore the miniature splatters he felt was he leaned up, balancing on his knees.

The nausea wasn't gone yet, though it had been replaced mostly by aching and burning everywhere else, especially, well, down there. He gingerly pulled his tattered shorts back up, then combed through his hair, shaking the bugs loose from it. He felt so weak, so used, so useless. He felt the tears filling up, and did nothing to stop them from falling.

* * *

Patton sat there a while, sobbing. He didn't know how long. He vaguely heard footsteps outside the door, vaguely heard shouts. Vaguely felt hands on him again, and pushed away violently, nausea and panic jumping up to greet him until he heard-

"-tton, it's me, Logan. Calm down." The Logical Side's voice cut through his ears, instantly grounding him back into reality. The shock wore off after a couple seconds, and as soon as he could make out Logan's face, he immediately rushed into him, drowning him in a bear hug and undoubtedly staining something on the Logical Side's dress shirt.

"Whoa, it's okay. I'm here." Logan wrapped his arms around Patton as well, strongly anchoring him and squeezing him a little. It was perfect.  
Patton cried into Logan's shoulder for a few minutes, rambling.

"A-and then-" he stopped. The memories flood back, the shock finally hitting him about what had been done to him.

The pain.

The fullness.

The helplessness.

The hand, choking him.

The nausea.

  
"L-lo, I'm gonna-" he didn't get it all out before dry-heaving extremely hard, almost choking himself again.

"It's okay. Let it all come out." Logan rubbed his back soothingly, but it only dredged up more memories. Patton flinched, more sick filling up his mind before coughing violently.

"Lo, p-please, don't touch my ba-back," He said, his throat scratchy. He didn't think he could cry more, but somehow more tears found their way up.

"Oh. Oh, my apologies, Patton." Logan unwrapped his arms from around him, choosing instead to examine Patton.  
"Are you hurt anythere?"

"Other t-than-"

"Yes." Logan lightly touched Patton's split lip.

"J-just bruises I think. Check my head though, h-he smashed it on a plate," Logan carefully examined Patton's scalp as the smaller Side leaned against him, desperate for warmth.

"Looks like nothing too bad. Can you stand?" Logan asked, wrapping one arm around Patton and pulling him in close.

"I don't-I don't think so."

"Very well. This might hurt, but, I need to get you to safety." Logan stated calmly.

"W-what-OH!"

Logan scooped up Patton bridal style. He was right, it hurt like a bitch, but Patton squeezed his eyes closed, preventing any tears from escaping.

"Let's go."

* * *

"Oh, Pat. I'm so so sorry." Virgil sat next to Patton's bed, the former asleep and looking calmer than he had ever been when he was awake.  
"It was my fault. I was supposed to stop them. I was supposed to protect you, to protect all of you. But I failed." Virgil reached out and took Patton's hand in his own.  
"I'm so sorry he got ahold of you. I'm so sorry you went through that," He rubbed Patton's hand.  
"But if I have anything to say about it,"  
He looked down. He couldn't let Patton see him cry, asleep or otherwise. He had to be strong. For Patton.

  
"**It won't happen again.**"

**Author's Note:**

> Rip  
Like I said, it got out of hand  
Scream at me in the comments


End file.
